News Flush! Stop what you are doing and intuitively seek out this obscure blog and read it immediately!
Dear fan, news has just erupted from the congealed mash of ectoplasmic nonsense that is The New Rolling Sex Beetles Experience that the band is reforming for a rare live gig this coming Monday 12th of January 2015. This monumental event will be at the Mullet Creek Palladium from high noon on the said Monday.
Unfortunately as the bands' whereabouts is a profound secret you are not invited nor will you be able to listen to the bi-product of the event i.e. the recordings of the music created that day. As per usual the music will be a purely emergent phenomenon without notice or pre meditated composition of any kind.
The New Rolling Sex Beetles Experience have been making this unique noise since 1984. At least, well actually since before then, 1981 to be exact, before 1984 we were simply called 'Astral Trash' in antithesis of Van Morrisons' skilled musicianisms of a similar name. At that time we thought nothing could be a more distant opposite to 'Astral Weeks' than us, we were right. Some band members were still using power tools and kitchen appliances as they couldn't afford instruments, let alone play them. Soon after that, Paul swapped his beloved orbital sander for a small Casio drum machine and we started to become the total antithesis of popular music itself and thus needed to change the name of the band to reflect our fresh, fully musical direction. We kicked the Kenwood player out of the band too, he was crap, same old dough hook in every song. We found a better mixer and started making recordings.
Since that time we have continued to become the antithesis of popular music and yet have aspired to synthesise such audible contradictions. However, the reconciliation of such extreme opposites has been a long, polytonous and ultimately, very noisy process. Even though synthesisers themselves have improved immensely, it hasn't really helped the actual musicianship of certain band members but what the drill player lacks in theory he makes up for in pure expression.
You may agree that 1984 is an exciting foundation year, if the NRSBE had a little shop we could put up a sign saying 'Est. 1984' but we don't have a little shop because we have vowed to transmute capitalism into something that actually works and become musical lights in a new free world where mendacious, ignorant, psychotic, greed addled, self entitled, talentless cunts are only allowed to perform light duties in the band tea rooms until their attitudes improve, instead of being allowed to run amok, tyrannically wrecking the world. By the way, how the fuck did that happen? According to band archives, no band members were informed in advance of this development. It's a fucking outrage. One we seek to address musically on Monday.
The world is a complete mess if you haven't noticed. We aim to achieve a cosmic global transformation by creating such an extraordinary musical vibration that all evil assholes will lay down their Jimmy Choos and their stupid (What colour is it this week? Strontium?) credit cards and involuntarily crawl on their bellies to the Mullet Creek Palladium and beg to join the band. Some say this plan will never work, but what would they know? Fools rush in where anglers fear to fish!
1984 is a groovy irony with it's Orwellian overtones, double plus good ey? Looks like music, sounds a bit like music, but it's not music at all!! Some might cynically say of the NRSBE that is, if cynics were allowed within the Palladium which they are not, so dream on critics and naysayers this event will occur without your comments or your blessing. That will teach you a lesson we will never forget.
The New Rolling Sex Beetles Experience is the greatest Neo Punk Electro Free Form Fusion Folk Rock Expressionist Baroque Pop Hop Rap Classical Deconstruction of Rock and Roll of all time. This is an undisputed fact. The NRSBE own this highly contested genre. We do what we do for the good of all humanity. If we did not perform this great service to the akashic rock & roll record, who else would? The universe would be a much darker place without the unbridled free creative expressionism of The NRSBE. Take our word for it because you have to. If we did it in public we would be banned, scorned and possibly become popular and make money. This would be a travesty and would possibly create a rift in the space time continuum. We can't have that now. We are too busy creating riffs in the space time continuum.
You can't listen to our music, as much as we might like you to. Well actually, Paul doesn't want you to, basically, and he has all the masters. Hidden in a secret cavernous vault under the Palladium itself or in a draw somewhere in the house, plus, he doesn't like you. Either does Josh and Livo just doesn't give a flying fuck, he recently mentioned that he has never heard of you, in fact he doesn't even believe that you exist. In fact, do you exist? In any meaningful context? That is ultimately for you to decide. Until then, you are out of the band. Welcome to the band.
Some members of the band have insisted that as the music is not actually forbidden, it should be compulsory listening for all. This has caused quite a stir amongst band hard liners who adhere to the idea that no one should ever hear the music unless they are actually playing it.
There have been suggestions from certain members of the band that the rebellious attempt to release our music as reported in the press, (well reported when I pressed publish on this blog a couple of years ago), was futile and gratuitously ambitious as our music is crap. Those band members are now officially out of the band. So are you, if you had already forgotten.
If however you can find the Mullet Creek Palladium next Monday you will be welcomed back in to the band as long as you bring a large quantity of beer and have a deep seated musical ambition and you'll need to bring some petrol money. You do not require any musical ability however, this has never stopped other band members from participation apart from Planet who is the only formally trained musician. A point he gently reminds other band members of with his convivial hourly newsletter.
We do not discriminate against anyone even the non musical, one only needs to appear and contribute enthusiastically. Most band members don't have a musical bone in their body. Pauly couldn't carry a tune in a bucket yet he has played and sung on over a thousand tracks. Every one an unrivalled masterpiece within the genre. The petrol is for the fire. Obviously. We may need to light some guitars. Or travel home. Anything may happen once the muse is unleashed as Chris is coming from New Zealand where he now lives in exile after repeatedly being out of the band. Some say he has a new band in New Zealand called the New Zealand Rolling Sex Beetles Experience but this is mere speculation and a substandard gag that is also now out of the bands' cannon of high quality humour. 987 volumes that will never be published as no one in their right mind could take them seriously.
So there you have it. A long winded, highly unanticipated message from The NRSBE. Arguably the Greatest band in the history of music. Whilst this is arguably a universally agreed fact, some vital questions remain about the actual music itself. These questions are answered by the idea that the music is regarded as a superfluous bi product of the experience. The music, which has been technically referred to as 'shit' or 'what's that fucking noise?!' is recorded only for hysterical purposes. Let hysteria be the judge! say the Augurs of the band council, quantum machinists and lapidary club. Mostly the 'noise' is recorded to prove that something as rare and unnecessarily absurd as The New Rolling Sex Beetles Experience actually happened. Generally, no one believes we are a band at all but we are. Over thirty years of recordings in the same studio is mathematical proof enough. You probably wouldn't like our music anyway. So don't worry about it. No one who as actually heard it has liked it, aside from Pinky Beecroft. Who is also out of the band, for having never been to a jam. He does however possess the only rare recordings held by a member of the general public. Unless he has turned them into ashtrays for smoking guests.
We don't make music for superficial popularity. We just do it because it is a small seemingly insignificant triumph, true freedom of expression. So that somewhere in the world, very occasionally a group of people are truly free to express themselves without censorshit. Suck on that American Idol, Fuckwit Factor and every other moronic ritual humiliation show on this messed up, brain drained, drone hypnotising TV planet. We are your opposition, we are The New Rolling Sex Beetles Experience!!!
BTW. We would have spelt "Beetles' like 'Beatles' because it is obviously a direct reference to them but Paul kept having a reoccurring dream that Ringo Star broke in to the Mullet Creek Palladium and threatened not to leave until we let him join the band. As we have never had a drummer and in fact drummers are banned from the band unless they play something else, we deemed 'The Star Factor' too great a threat. So we have kept the location of The Mullet Creek Palladium a secret ever since. Paul McCartney jammed with us once but he's cool. Pretty good drummer too, well the Casio was doing most of the heavy lifting. He promised not to tell Ringo where we jam.
We would also like to mention that we respect the copyright of other artists despite having improvised so many disturbing parodies of their music.
The New Rolling Sex Beetles Experience.
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